Chronic disease is depressing

It is. It may not be readily apparent but it's there...

I just got off the phone from a long conversation with a family member, whom I greatly admire and adore and our conversation made me feel a lot of things. Helplessness. Depressed. Sorrow. Admiration. It is a nice palm-sized slap of reality when I have these conversations and learn about other people's circumstances, because many times I am wrapped in a nice comfortable bubble...called medical school. I cannot believe I'm calling med school a comfortable situation, but it's all relative. Compared to my cousin's life right now, mine is just peachy.

It is peachy because I do not have a father who is sick and undergoing chemotherapy. It is peachy because I do not have to worry on a constant basis whether my father's lab results this week will require him to undergo another transfusion...one of a countless number that he's already been through. My life is peachy because I am not the one taking care of a patient who has a chronic medical condition that will eventually take his life and that patient is my own father.

My classmates and I often discuss the issue of managing chronic illnesses and how difficult that will be. Every patient is different and may not respond to the treatments you prescribe, especially in a condition like cancer. The treatment is steps beyond the fact that you have to break bad news to them and that they have to deal with the bad news you bring them. This doesn't even address the fact that you may not have all the answers...especially if you're not telling them the answers that they want to hear. Some people will have diabetes forever. It won't be cured. How depressing is that kind of news to anyone? In my uncle's condition, there is no known cure. There are treatments that can help prolong his life but the bottom line is, there is no cure.

So all I could offer my cousin in her time of need was a pair of ears and moments of reassurance that hopefully this treatment will work. And hopefully her dad will tolerate this treatment. And although her parents look at her as being the "bad guy" in the situation, what she is doing is admirable. She is taking care of her sick father to the best of her ability. Because he is her father and as a child, anyone would want to take care of their parents in any way possible.

It is tough when the lines between the "caretaker role" and being a daughter gets blurred. I am sorry she has to go through this. I'm sorry for anyone to have to go through that, especially the individual who has the condition.

As I evaluate the events of my day and remember the many moments of me complaining about how much life sucks because I am stressing about school, it's conversations like this that help me adjust the lens so that I tread purposefully (hopefully with fewer complaints) in the right direction of life education.

Laundry list for winter break...

Because I can't seem to stop thinking about Christmas and winter break, although I have two monstrous exams looming over me, I will write out ten things I would like to do or need to do this break.
1. Attend a wedding of an old friend- TOP OF THE LIST!
2. Hiking at least once with my sister
3. Snowboard with Susan for the first time....ahh!
4. Analyze my data from my summer project...this is a "NEED TO DO" but not a "want".
5. Watch Heroes seasons 1, 2, and...is it season 3 now? I will make my mom watch with me.
6. Finish books 2 and 3 of Twilight
7. A handful of spin classes...this may be pushing it.
8. NEVER SIGN ONTO GMAIL...NOT EVEN ONCE!
9. Play Rockband with Clari and the gang.
10. Visit Firefly's to drink some sangria and eat some tres leches...yum!

Thanksgiving fun!

I had so much fun this Thanksgiving because I managed to keep going home a big secret from my parents. They were pleasantly surprised when I met them and my sister at dinner the Wednesday before Turkey Day. I mean...how could I possibly not be home on my absolute favorite holiday? I did use the excuse that I needed to study when I broke the "bad news" to my parents that I wouldn't be going home for Thanksgiving this year...and of course, they bought it! Hahaha....the schemes.

My cousin Andrew, who is a marine stationed in Okinawa was visiting his brother and mom for the holiday so we had a special guest this year. And of course, there's never a complete Thanksgiving without some poker. Holla at your girl for winning a round of poker!