How do you take your...

Has anyone noticed how terribly stressful it is to order breakfast? In all honesty, I never noticed this until just the other day, mostly because I am too distracted from the delicious food on the menu. Usually, people order breakfast food during breakfast hours (duh!) and maybe after a long night of drinking (a must!). In both of these occasions, the individual may not be fully prepared for the stress that the waitress/waitor is about to bombard them with. Good god! For instance, I was at a diner the other night and this really nice waitress came over and first asked me for my beverage of choice. After she retrieved my iced tea, she whipped out her pen and the little pad of notebook paper and started....

W: What would you like?

me: umm...well, corned beef hash and eggs please.

W: How would you like your eggs?

me: scrambled

W: How would you like your hashbrowns?

me: uhh....cooked? oh, but not too crispy please:)

W: What kind of side would you like? Toast, which comes in white, wheat, rye, or mutli-grain...English muffin..or you can choose from our assortment of fresh oven-baked muffins, which are blue-berry, bran, banana nut, cheesecake pumpkin, cornbread, or poppyseed???

me: (While she was going through this long list of delicious choices, I just could not handle the fact that in point two seconds she will require an answer and I lost her at the blue-berry muffins! What the hell am I going to do? I want her to repeat the muffins, but she looks like she's going to sit on me! At this point, I am so frail from starvation that I know I won't be able to defend myself if she were to sit on me so I proceed with my answer..) I will have the english muffin please...toasted.

W: What kind of jam? Strawberry, grape, marmalade.....

me: (Thinking...why can't you have the assortment on the table like most restaurants do in those cute little caddies?) Umm...strawberry...

W: What kind of syrup?

me: syrup?

W: For your pancakes.

me: (Thinking...I get pancakes! I kind of missed that on the menu. What kind of syrup? Is she really serious?? What would she say if I said "maple syrup from the deep forests of New England"??) I laugh and she gets annoyed...oops. Umm...maple please.

W: Is there anything else you would like?

me: (Thinking..NO...THANK GOD!) No that will be all thank you!

W: Your order will be up soon.

OMG! See how stressful that was?? All these choices put in all those questions! Mind you, she was talking uber fast. I was completely sober and wide awake during this specific interaction, but I can't imagine successfully ordering food when I am either just waking up or completely trashed! Not only will I be completely stunned if I was in either of the aforementioned situations, but I will be left to starve from not completing my order... This is tragic. We all know how important breakfast is...